


雨降って地固まる (after rain, comes fair weather)

by fieryrondo



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: 2017 World Figure Skating Championships, Gen, fewer metaphors here so this is progress, he won Worlds with a program called 'Hope & Legacy', quad revolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-13 19:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10520715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieryrondo/pseuds/fieryrondo
Summary: "I’m not crying!"Brian laughs. "I am. Almost.""Almost," Yuzuru agrees and insists again. "I’m not!"But the tears streaming down his cheeks prove otherwise.A year ago in Boston, Yuzuru Hanyu vowed he would never allow himself to cry at Worlds again. A year later in Helsinki, he breaks this vow.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Before you all kill me for not updating El cisne, at least accept this fic as a consolation prize? orz
> 
> I'm all decompressed (mostly) from Worlds so hopefully, this will be the last (in a good while) of the one-shots I'll be working on during the off-season.
> 
> Please enjoy!

The morning after the short program, Yuzuru hardly says a word during breakfast.

  
This itself is not particularly unusual. It is a well-known fact that the Sendai native was not a morning person. But the subdued, distracted manner in which the reigning Olympic champion picked at his bowl, barely tasting the contents, feels different somehow, seems to douse the room in a sinister murk of suffering silence. Shirota-san gives up her attempts to make painfully bright small talk and instead wrings the itinerary in her hands while constantly checking her phone. The serene Kikuchi-san arranges for the gathering of Yuzuru’s bags with the grim air of a maestro conducting a dirge. Brian and Tracy, sitting on the other side of the room, exchange looks of concern, which are accompanied by a flurry of hushed, half-uttered sentences that are, too, eventually smothered by a stillness as thick as the butter on Ghislain's _reikäleipa_.

 

The silence is broken by Yuzuru himself when he picks up the mug lying on his right--and before his mother could utter a warning--he takes a sip, only to choke and spit it out.

 

"Um, Yuzu, that's _my_ coffee." Yuzuru looks up with the most bewildered look on his face, as if he can't quite understand why the Spanish skater is standing before him, with a hand outstretched. Yuzuru's face twists in a moment of utter confusion as he stares dumbly at the mug of coffee in his hand before realization dawns. He returns Javi's cup, apologizing profusely.

 

"Sorry, sorry, I get you another drink." Yuzuru's already out of his chair, halfway across the room, admonishing himself a mile a minute in a mixture of Japanese and English. While he looks for the coffee maker, he finally seems to notice who everyone is gaping at. He pauses.

 

"Something wrong? You want coffee?"

 

Brian dithers. Tracy, fortunately, manages to pull herself together, and smiles at the Japanese skater.

 

"We're just fine."

 

And then just like that, conversation returns, filling the room with animated chatter. Javi calmly sips his coffee, declining Yuzuru's offer for a fresh cup. 

 

"Finnish coffee is delicious."

 

Yuzuru grimaces.

 

* * *

 

"Hmm, I think it's been seven--no, I forgot about LA--so, it's been eight times now? Yeah, eight times."

 

"Really? I thought you would have more."

 

"Well, I skipped two seasons, and my first Worlds was at Gothenberg, in Sweden, when Jeff took the title--wow. That was almost a decade ago." A pause. "When was your first?"

 

A groan. "Don't remind me. Tokyo. 2007. I was fifteen. Didn't know how to skate for shit. Didn't even make the free."

  

Some quick mental calculations before a whistle. "Shit, man, this is number ten for you. The big one-oh. Double digits and all. We ought to commemorate this, take a picture." A slap on the back followed by a peal of laughter.

 

"What's funny?"

 

Javi looks up. Yuzuru's looking fresh, though brimming with nervous energy, after their morning practice. But nervous was leagues better than depressed, Javi reflects, thinking back to earlier that morning when Brian had taken Yuzuru aside, with the directive to take it easy and avoid going all out on run throughs. Javi had not been privy to the conversation, but after years of training together, he understands his partner's proclivity for killing himself on the ice after a bad program all too well.

 

"Oh, you know, me and Patrick, just remembering our first Worlds." Javi points at Patrick. "We were comparing how many times we've been. I got him beat." 

 

"Dude, that's not something to be proud of. You didn't even make it past the short your first time."

 

"Well, _you_ didn't medal at yours." Javi counters right back. Yuzuru coughs and the Spanish skater doesn't even have to look to know the secretive, little smile on the Japanese skater's face. "Don't worry, Yuzu, we remember Nice."

 

"I can't believe they're still using the same damn podium," Patrick grouses with a shudder. "Remember Gothenburg? And Joubert threw a fit because he lost to a guy without a quad? Those were the days."

 

Javi snorts. "Hey, you shouldn't be talking. You were the one who started the quad craze in the first place."

 

"Actually, that was Plushenko. I was just chasing him like everybody else."

 

"Did you hear about Plushenko?" Patrick asks, looking at Yuzuru keenly, for the Japanese skater's admiration of the Russian legend was almost as well known as the skater himself. "He's actually retiring. Like for real this time."

 

"I hear this. So surprised. I want to compete with him again."

 

Patrick just shakes his head.

 

"No way, man. He's been to, what is it, four Olympics now?" An incredulous laugh. "That must be a world record. But Vancouver was the big game changer. You remember Vancouver?"

 

"Yeah." A gusty sigh. "That was fun."

 

"I remember." Yuzuru chimes in.

 

Contemplative silence.

 

"Oy, were you even age eligible at the time? Don't try to convince us Japan snuck in a fourth guy on their team. You were like, a  _junior_ then--get out of here." Patrick chucks a small towel at Yuzuru, who laughs and ducks out of the room.

 

Another sigh.

 

"So many quads now."

 

"Yeah, I hear Nathan's going for six?"

 

Patrick shrugs. "Well, I guess that's what Raf says. Marina's not too happy about it. But I get it though."

 

"Six quads...that's a lot of points."

 

"Tell me about it. Don't you remember the days when one was enough?"

 

Javi remembers.

 

* * *

 

"Why do you touch the ice?"

 

Yuzuru, unlacing his boots, tilts his head to meet Tracy's eyes.

 

"Touch ice?" he echoes.

 

His coach nods and motions towards the ground, bending over to mimic his skating ritual.

 

"Touch ice is...is what I do, what I always do." Yuzuru says slowly. "To give feeling...say thank you. For letting me skate and..." He flounders for the words. Tracy, as always, waits with her usual patience, never hurrying. Yuzuru rubs his head self-consciously and lets a hand drop by his side with a shrug. "I just do it. I don't know why." A pause, before Yuzuru lets down his guard a little more, running a hand down his left leg. "So, I remember...oh."

 

A sharp intake of breath as Tracy pulls him into a hug.

 

To Yuzuru's shock, the calm Canadian woman looks a little misty-eyed. "No matter what happens tonight. You've worked really hard, you do know that, right?"

 

"We see in free," Yuzuru tells her, awkwardly patting her on the back.

 

Tracy laughs.

 

* * *

 

Brian's had years of practice with handling the media but the near obsessive tenacity of the Japanese media is something that still never fails to astound him. After running back and forth tending to his skaters--and surviving several rounds of celebratory hugging--Elizabet's mother had been particularly enthusiastic-- he finally has some time for Yuzuru. Yuzuru usually preferred to warm up alone with Kikuchi-san. Yuzuru surprises him, though, and tosses the ball he had been playing self-catch with to Brian, who fumbles before catching it.

 

"You want me to help?"

 

Yuzuru nods, his face smoothing out into an expression of utter concentration.

 

"Catch-ball."

 

Brian strips off his jacket. They toss the ball back and forth, establishing an easy-going tempo. Brian even finds himself relaxing into the rhythm of tossing the ball, keeping his eyes trained as Yuzuru pulls back and lets the ball fly, and enjoying the feel of the rubber slapping his palms. They continue like this for a while until Yuzuru signals to stop.

 

"Practice jump." Yuzuru says and sets down the ball. To Brian's surprise, the Japanese skater seems to hesitate in his decision.

 

"Don't wear yourself out, okay? Save it for the free. You'll want the jumps then."

 

"I want it," Brian hears Yuzuru mumble as he trots off to practice his off-ice jumping under the careful scrutiny of Kikuchi-san. Even in the unremarkably bare warm-up room, away from the rink and the world's eye, Yuzuru is never alone, stoically training under the glare of hundreds of cameras snapping and flashing in the background. Brian resists the urge to chase the photographers off.

 

Brian sighs.

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru feels tired. The ice today doesn't seem to feel quite real and his concentration breaks when he falls on his triple axel, a spill that is accompanied by a collective gasp from the front rows. Something deep inside of him cringes and hides, but Yuzuru shrugs it off as best he can and follows through with the rest of his warm-up, fighting to keep the feeling in his legs. By the boards, he drinks in Brian's words--full of warmth and concern--while only half-listening with an almost detached interest to Tracy grumble about the quality of announcers and their mistakes ("Do they not have notes to read off of? Goodness me."). He can feel it, the rise and fall, the anxious conversations from his fans, the anticipatory tension of the audience, the rapid-fire machine gun chatter of the commentators in their boxes, recapping the current standings after the short, reminding people of his fifth place finish. Yuzuru gives Pooh-san a gentle squeeze. Again, he is first to start and as the other skaters are called to leave the ice, Yuzuru meets Brian's eyes, mirroring calm and focus. They shake hands. He pushes off just when Javi leaves the rink, looping around on the expanse of the ice, stretched out bare like a blank canvas pulled tight, ready for him to paint. 

 

Yuzuru closes his eyes. Breathes. Hears the silence sweep in like a storm, drowning all noise, all conversation into a blissful stillness. The clear rush of piano notes spill out. Stroke after stroke, the muzzy uncertainty, the familiar stiffness of shouldered expectation, the niggling fear of mistakes, fall away and as Yuzuru pulls in for the quad loop, he knows he will land it.

 

A rolling crest of applause buoys Yuzuru up, keeping him aloft as he continues, with eyes for the next jump--the quad salchow. He is river water coursing through wood and pine and sun, the running edge of his blade carving into ice, into earth, into spring. Hands held out in self reflection, Yuzuru confronts his past self--every skate, the good skates, the bad skates and all of the skates in between, and accepts them for what they are--the stepping stones of a mountain he has glimpsed once before, a summit he has yet to reach, a dream that he is chasing now with the certainty of a new dawn.

  

Yuzuru climbs--diving smoothly into his triple flip like a swooping bird. Does he dare? Will he fall? But he can feel it, the wishes and the building energy of his fans, roaring like a coming wave, pulling him higher and higher in the sky, a clarion call for hope--even now, in his darkest hour, they still dare to pray, they still dare to believe.

 

Yuzuru answers their prayers and reaches for the combination. He jumps and lands, the river flowing to become wind.

 

* * *

 

"Oh my God."

 

Brian has his arms folded across his chest, looking as smug as can be. Tracy, after gaping at the leaderboard, switches the target of her gaping to Yuzuru, who throws his arms up high above his head in a scream as Brian pulls him into a quick hug,

 

"That is some score." Yuzuru hears Tracy utter faintly next to him still thunderstruck, sounding as if she were about to cry.

 

To Yuzuru's horror, his own cheeks are wet, and it's not the perspiration from his brow.

 

"I'm not crying!"

 

Brian laughs. "I am. Almost." 

 

"Almost," Yuzuru agrees, but then insists again. "I'm not."

 

But the tears streaming down his cheeks prove otherwise.

 

A year ago in Boston, Yuzuru Hanyu vowed he would never allow himself to cry at Worlds again. A year later in Helsinki, he breaks this vow. 

 

* * *

 

When Yuzuru meets a tired Javi in the Kiss and Cry, he is at a loss for words. Having been on the other end, the one needing comfort for the last two years, Yuzuru is unsure of how to handle himself. He's not like Javi, with his easy way of comforting people at their worst. For a brief second, Yuzuru panics, wondering if this has somehow changed things between them. But Javi's easy grin dispels his doubts.

 

Javi pulls Yuzuru into a warm hug, holds him close, his lips caressing Yuzuru's ear.

 

"I told you last year, right? Remember?" he whispers. "You worked hard, you can get it. All right?"

 

Yuzuru hugs him again, this time more tightly before they separate and Javi heads into the mixed zone to confront the press.

 

Yuzuru gets another hug from Brian, who still has that little, all-knowing smile on his face. Tracy is next. Yuzuru spends a little more time with Tracy, just enjoying their hug as he tries to find the right words.

 

"I just--I just want to say, thank you, sorry I don't know enough English to--"

 

"I know, I know." Tracy says. "You don't need to say anything."

 

Yuzuru beams.

 

* * *

 

This time, he takes his time getting on the ice, slowly looping around before stopping in the center, the spotlight on his back.

 

He begins. Gliding, a swan regally surveying his watery realm. There is no need to hurry--there are no timers clocking down, no judges hawking about to strip away points like vultures stripping down a carcass. Having been glutted with feasts of disappointment and heartbreak, there are no vultures today. They would return though. And Yuzuru must be ready for them.

 

But not today. After chasing the last two seasons, finally, for the first time, Yuzuru's caught up. Time is entirely and utterly his.

 

Arms and body extending, stretching out in a flutter of wing beats, Yuzuru takes off into the air.

 

Flying free.

**Author's Note:**

> **Real World Parallel Footnotes**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Re: Patrick, Javi and Yuzuru's First Worlds experiences
> 
> [1] Even though Patrick's the oldest, Javi's the true veteran for number of World Championships attended. His first Worlds appearance was in 2007 in Tokyo. He placed 35th out of 42 and didn't even make it to the free program segment of the competition. Since then, he has attended a whopping 10 World Championships, medaling at four and winning two titles (2015 & 2016).
> 
> [2] Patrick made his first Worlds appearance in Gothenburg, Sweden in 2008, placing 9th for a Top 10 finish--so not a bad debut! Ever since, he has competed at 8 World Championships (skipping 2014 & 2015), medalled at five and has won three titles (2011, 2012 & 2013).
> 
> [2*] Jeffrey Buttle won the men's title and his quad-less victory set off a controversy spurred by silver medalist Brian Joubert who protested that the system did not incentivize men for trying quad jumps. This would be the first of many controversies that culminated in the quad jump controversy in men's figure skating at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, where Russian skater Evgeni Plushenko lost gold to American Evan Lysacek, who took the title without attempting a quad.
> 
> [3] Yuzuru made his first Worlds appearance in Nice in 2012, in the biggest way possible during the sophomore year of his senior career--by nabbing a bronze medal. His passionate free skate to "Romeo & Juliet" is still remembered as one of his best free skates at Worlds (now, overthrown by H&L this year ^^) and of his career. He is the only member of our three "uncles" that medaled at his first Worlds. Since then, he has competed in 6 World Championships, medaling at five and winning two titles (2014 & 2017).


End file.
